Within the category of Japanese women who will date foreigners, there resides a fairly sizable sub-category of women who will only date foreigners. They are often referred to as “gaijin hunters” (外人ハンター, “gaijin” meaning “foreigner”) or “gaisen” (外専, short for 外国人専門, gaikokujin senmon, meaning “specializing in foreigners”).
I don’t think there is anything fundamentally wrong with only dating certain types of people (although as a foreigner, I’m obviously biased in favor of the women who want to date me). Keep in mind that Japanese women who won’t date foreigners outnumber those who will date us, let alone those who will only date us.
That being said, if you realize the girl you’re with is only interested in foreigners, I’d suggest asking her why. I’ve found that some women only wanted a casual relationship with me in order to improve their English or French. I’ve been on dates where my romantic interest shows up with a textbook full of post-its notes with questions she was planning on asking me.
On the flip side, there are also plenty of foreign men who will take advantage of Japanese women to get free Japanese language lessons. And there are girls who don’t want to say they like foreigners, so they disguise their interest by saying they want language lessons. Basically there’s a bit of everything out there, language is a double-edged sword, so be careful how you wield it.
Another thing is because of the way Western culture is portrayed in Japanese media, some women have an idealistic perception of Western manners. They expect their foreign dates to have a “ladies first” mentality (which is literally how you say it in Japanese, レディースファースト). They may even think all Western men behave like stereotypical characters from American romantic comedies: attentive and caring to the point of creepiness, as well as prone to grandiose romantic gestures.
If you’ve chosen to model your dating persona on the characters from The Notebook, you’ll probably be fine (actually probably not, but for other reasons). For the less romantically inclined, just be aware that the way the average Japanese person perceives you is very different from back home, and you may have to answer to those stereotypes.
You should also know that “gaijin hunters” tend to have a bad reputation. Some Japanese people think gaijin hunters hate Japanese men, or are an insult to Japanese culture. Your girlfriend may get criticism for dating you instead of a Japanese boy.
And finally, some ladies see foreign men as trophies. The same way some foreign men see Asian girlfriends as trophies. To be clear, I don’t mind having preferences for dating certain types of people. I mind when the type starts to matter more than the individual. In Japan, I see that quite often.
So whoever you are, when dating in Japan, if you feel like your partner sees you as being completely interchangeable, it may be best to get out of that relationship. Otherwise it probably won’t end well. Rules of engagement
If you’ve gotten this far and are still adamant on wanting to get into the Japanese dating game, there are a few things you should know about the rules of engagement. The process itself can be very different from the West—albeit not necessarily. Every relationship is different.
Still, let me tell you a bit about Japanese dating conventions.
First, there is the meeting. As I mentioned before, I usually bypass this step by using an app. You can also potentially meet people through friends, at bars, clubs, and so on. However, as to be expected from a highly-regimented society, there are events you’ll only find in Japan that are great for starting relationships.
Within the category of Japanese women who will date foreigners, there resides a fairly sizable sub-category of women who will only date foreigners. They are often referred to as “gaijin hunters” (外人ハンター, “gaijin” meaning “foreigner”) or “gaisen” (外専, short for 外国人専門, gaikokujin senmon, meaning “specializing in foreigners”).
I don’t think there is anything fundamentally wrong with only dating certain types of people (although as a foreigner, I’m obviously biased in favor of the women who want to date me). Keep in mind that Japanese women who won’t date foreigners outnumber those who will date us, let alone those who will only date us.
That being said, if you realize the girl you’re with is only interested in foreigners, I’d suggest asking her why. I’ve found that some women only wanted a casual relationship with me in order to improve their English or French. I’ve been on dates where my romantic interest shows up with a textbook full of post-its notes with questions she was planning on asking me.
On the flip side, there are also plenty of foreign men who will take advantage of Japanese women to get free Japanese language lessons. And there are girls who don’t want to say they like foreigners, so they disguise their interest by saying they want language lessons. Basically there’s a bit of everything out there, language is a double-edged sword, so be careful how you wield it.
Another thing is because of the way Western culture is portrayed in Japanese media, some women have an idealistic perception of Western manners. They expect their foreign dates to have a “ladies first” mentality (which is literally how you say it in Japanese, レディースファースト). They may even think all Western men behave like stereotypical characters from American romantic comedies: attentive and caring to the point of creepiness, as well as prone to grandiose romantic gestures.
If you’ve chosen to model your dating persona on the characters from The Notebook, you’ll probably be fine (actually probably not, but for other reasons). For the less romantically inclined, just be aware that the way the average Japanese person perceives you is very different from back home, and you may have to answer to those stereotypes.
You should also know that “gaijin hunters” tend to have a bad reputation. Some Japanese people think gaijin hunters hate Japanese men, or are an insult to Japanese culture. Your girlfriend may get criticism for dating you instead of a Japanese boy.
And finally, some ladies see foreign men as trophies. The same way some foreign men see Asian girlfriends as trophies. To be clear, I don’t mind having preferences for dating certain types of people. I mind when the type starts to matter more than the individual. In Japan, I see that quite often.
So whoever you are, when dating in Japan, if you feel like your partner sees you as being completely interchangeable, it may be best to get out of that relationship. Otherwise it probably won’t end well. Rules of engagement
If you’ve gotten this far and are still adamant on wanting to get into the Japanese dating game, there are a few things you should know about the rules of engagement. The process itself can be very different from the West—albeit not necessarily. Every relationship is different.
Still, let me tell you a bit about Japanese dating conventions.
First, there is the meeting. As I mentioned before, I usually bypass this step by using an app. You can also potentially meet people through friends, at bars, clubs, and so on. However, as to be expected from a highly-regimented society, there are events you’ll only find in Japan that are great for starting relationships.
Cheapest ticket to Japan = $500+
That's a lot of porta potties
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